Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
