if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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