where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
