people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
