Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
