New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So much rum. So many feels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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