Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
