Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
