my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
