why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
