how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
