dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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