I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
soo... how was my night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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