"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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