already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
