If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My dick has a subreddit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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