If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
