Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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