We're facebook friends in real life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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