Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
