No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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