This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
