They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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