i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
