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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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