Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
