In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
