New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
