We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
