i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My pussy is not your playground.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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