a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
