I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
