cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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