either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
