she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
