Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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