my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
