Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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