it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
