Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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