I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
