I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize