glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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