so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
