I just made out with a guy for $7.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
