dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize