I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
