The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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