being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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