I seem to have left my pride at pride
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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