I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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