Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
