just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
