Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
