i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
