so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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