If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
