What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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