considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
