He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
