just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm at about main and main street
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
