While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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