last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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