Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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