I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
