i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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