if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im on a boat
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