Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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