My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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