even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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