I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
