so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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