dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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