have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
