So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
