and she was petting her beer can
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
