community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
