I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
