I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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