weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
